Trans Love: Blaming Chasers Doesn’t Solve a Thing
Before we start we must first define what a “chasers” is for the uninitiated. Chasers are typically men who want to have sex with transgender women but have no intention of developing a meaningful relationship.
Well, it is, but the answer to the problem is internal, not external. The way the world and the law regard these despicable people is that they are seeking out consensual sex. Which means no one is going to run around the world and collect all the chasers and put them in prison. It sounds great, but the answer to this problem has to come from within.
I know this is going to sound old school, but the only way to avoid a chaser is to withhold sex until you know you got a good guy. Even then, there are a lot of psychopaths out there that can fool the best of us. If you want to be respected, then demand that your potential partner respects you. Here is a bit of advice on how to figure out if the guy you’re dating really respects you.
You own the key to your bedroom, no one else does. If you want nothing to do with chasers (or players if you’re cisgender), know why a chaser got pass your personal security system. Only then will able to find the right guy and be rid of chasers.
The first sign that guy doesn’t really care about you, is how quickly he wants to hook up. If he is hot and heavy on the first date, he’s a waste of time. If you hear him throw lines like, “I want to take advantage of you.” He’s almost always telling the truth. If you don’t want a chaser, make him jump a few hurdles then see how long he sticks around.
The second sign you’re with a chaser is how hard he is to get a hold of once you tell him you want a relationship. After you tell him there are hurdles, he’ll only respondent in between his other affairs. From the trans woman perspective, it may look like he’s taking the time to deliberate or he’s really busy with “work”. But the reality is, he’s probably just hitting up other women and punching the clock until you are ready.
The third sign you’re with a chaser is, after he punches the clock he will start talking about how much time he has put in. This is to get you to recognize his effort and ply you into having sex out of guilt. This the point at which trans women get really pissed off because they soon realize they felt guilty for not having sex with a fucking psychopath. This is why you should never set an arbitrary rule like, “I only have sex after the third date”. A chaser will just punch the clock three times, get what he wants, and then bail.
Arbitrary rules provide absolutely no guidance whatsoever when it comes to knowing someone. Three dates mean absolutely nothing. What a person is like on those three dates is the most important factor. If the dude keeps bringing up sex, then you need to make the stupid “three date rule”, a ten date rule. I would bet my life, no chaser will run that marathon.
The final piece of advice on how to avoid chasers and find a good guy is, know yourself. If you don’t know yourself or what you really want, you’re headed for a lifetime of chasers. Long term relationships often fail because people get wrapped up in emotions and they excuse obvious conflicts and faults early on. Our minds have a tendency to stoke the flames of passion. It’s why we all think we are the perfect person when we first date someone, only to absolutely hate their guts once the honeymoon is over.
If you have experience with long term relationships and you know what the deal breakers were in the past, you’ve got to understand there is no exception to your personal deal breakers. How many times have your heard another woman say “I thought he was different.”? She is essentially admitting that he fits all the hallmarks of being a bad guy, but for some mysterious reason, she ignored her past experience. That’s your brain on love. It will try and get you pregnant so you can pass on your genes. It really is natural selection at its worst.
If you want a meaningful a relationship and you think you got a great guy make him work for it, but keep encouraging him. Most guys at some point will think you’re not that interested if you keep putting off sex. So you’ve got to make sure that he knows he’s winning your heart by putting in the work. I cannot stress how important it is to keep encouraging good guys to stick it out. A lot of good guys have some level of anxiety about women, that’s why they don’t like wronging them. Don’t encourage good guys with sex, but with actual conversations. Love is deeply connected to the fight or flight regions of the brain, so make sure he knows he’s winning that fight to be the love of your life.Published in Recommend0 recommendations